By Colleen Winters
The wine flowed, the food was excellent, the air
was festive, the chatter convivial -- in short, it was just the sort of
banquet Imperial officers enjoyed, all the more so since this one was being
held in their honor. Captain Niriz smiled at his dinner companion,
who was a pleasant lady and a Duchess of the Uri Court besides. The
Duchess smiled in return, baring long fangs in a mostly-humanoid face.
The Uri were an impressive-looking people, averaging
two meters in height, and sporting four powerful arms as well as teeth
that looked well-suited to a predatory role. In spite of their fearsome
appearance, it turned out the Uri were quite peaceful and had been
overjoyed to discover the Star Destroyer Admonitor, under the
command of Admiral Thrawn, had destroyed the Ebruchi pirates who had been
making the Uri’s lives miserable with their raids. The Admonitor had been exiled with her Admiral and crew to duty mapping the Unknown Regions,
a task that had been keeping them fighting since the moment they had arrived.
This peaceful interlude was the first break the Imperials had been able
to take for some time. The Uri had welcomed them, resupplied their
ship, and given the crew free run of the planet. Now after two weeks
of shore leave, the Admonitor was preparing to depart, and the Court
had taken the opportunity to throw a formal banquet in honor of the Admiral
and his crew.
"And now, Honored Guests…"
Captain Niriz looked up to see the Queen, seated at the
head of the table, rise and bow toward Admiral Thrawn, seated at her right.
"It is time for the giving of gifts. The Court and I long debated
over what we could possibly give you that would express our thanks for
your help in ridding us of the Ebruchi."
"Really, Queen Tez’rah, you and your people have
been so very generous to us," the Admiral said in his cultured voice, "You
have taken care of all of our needs. That in itself is a great gift,
when we are so far from home."
"Still, we wanted to give you something to express
our collective gratitude. Yesterday, the Court agreed. We will
give you our greatest art treasure, the Heart of Serenity. Even our
best scholars have been unable to fathom all of its subtleties."
Niriz suppressed a smile as he saw the Admiral sit
up a bit straighter at the mention of art. Nothing else could have
captured his interest so effectively. To see a unique work of art,
the Admiral would sit through an entire evening of boring speeches, Niriz
thought, although the Captain of the Admonitor had to admit that
he himself was curious as to what the Uri were going to offer them after
their verbal build-up of the item. Fortunately, the Captain did not
have long to wait. The Uri nobility were not nearly as given to long-winded
speeches as those at Palpatine’s court.
"Here is our holy treasure, given to us by the Ancient
Ones eons ago." The Queen gestured and a small repulsorlift platform
glided out, carrying on its surface a draped object perhaps 60 centimeters
high and about half as wide.
"May I present to you, Admiral and officers of the
Empire, our greatest wonder, The Heart of Serenity." The Admiral
leaned forward in interest, red eyes intent. The Queen whisked away
the drape, exposing the object to the company.
Niriz stared, eyes wide, and felt a fine layer of
sweat break out over his body. From the other side of the table,
he saw Commander Parck stiffen and turn pale. Niriz tore his eyes
away from the artwork to look at Thrawn. The Admiral was outwardly
composed, but Nirz knew him well enough now to know that Thrawn was keeping
himself under tight control.
"Oh. You shouldn’t have," he said in a voice
that shook only the slightest bit.
"It’s very moving, isn’t it?" said the Queen with
a sigh of wonder, keeping her eyes lowered.
Thrawn coughed softly, "My good Queen, please keep
your sacred treasure. We would not want to deprive your people of
its… uniqueness."
"No, no, a gift offered must be taken or it will
insult the gods and bring calamity on us all. As we treasure your
friendship, we hope you will treasure our masterwork and never forget us."
"I… could never forget this, do believe me," he
murmured in defeat.
"Only a calamity if we didn’t accept it, sir?
Perhaps insulting the gods wouldn’t have been SO bad?" asked Niriz, keeping
his eyes averted from the objet d’art which had followed them on
its droid-driven platform into the large wardroom aft of the bridge.
He and Parck and Thrawn were all trying very hard not to look at the item
in question. "I know the Queen meant it sincerely as a great gift."
"I believe she was sincere as well. I just
did not imagine the Uri to have such an alien sense of esthetics," Thrawn
sighed.
"If only it weren’t so… so…" Parck tried gamely.
"Ugly?" Niriz helpfully filled in the missing word.
"Oh no, gentlemen, the Heart of Serenity isn’t ugly,"
said Thrawn. The Admiral wore a tight, pained look on his face, his
red eyes were narrowed as if he were staring into a sun.
"It isn’t?!" Parck looked at him in disbelief.
"No, Commander, it isn’t merely ugly. ‘Ugly’
doesn’t begin to express the sheer depth of the horror." He pointed
at the sculpture. "That is quite simply, the most revolting, vile,
and disgusting thing I have ever seen called ‘art’, and I have seen some
fairly terrible examples in my years of collecting." The blue-skinned
Admiral ran a hand through his black hair, caught a glimpse of the statue
out of the corner of his eye and turned away with a shudder.
"Oh, that’s a relief! I was half-afraid you
were going to say you liked it," said Parck with a smile. He wiped
at his watering eyes.
"If I ever say I like something like that, you can
consider it a standing order to have me sent to sick bay."
"Does this mean I can jettison this thing into deep
space the moment we skip out-system?" Niriz asked. The Captain
looked eagerly at the Admiral.
"No, no, we cannot be hasty. We must observe
caution. If by some mischance a trader were to salvage it from space
and return it to the Uri, it would cause a diplomatic incident."
"Blast," growled Niriz. "How long then, until
we can dispose of it? Surely there must be something…" He paused
as a young ensign approached the officers with a datapad tucked under his
arm. The ensign halted and saluted them sharply.
"Captain, I have some data on the projected jump
points of the…" He glanced at the Heart of Serenity, turned dead
white and fainted, collapsing into a heap on the deck, the datapad skittering
away from his nerveless hands.
"Ah, a person of delicate sensibilities, I see,"
said Thrawn dryly, watching as Niriz knelt to check on the crewman.
Leaning over the table, he touched a recessed call button. "Sick
bay. Stretcher team to the bridge wardroom."
A moment later another junior officer entered at
a trot, looking nervous. "Sirs! Is everything all right?
I heard a noise…" He glanced at the statue.
"Don’t look at it!" Niriz’s shout came too
late. With a strangled gasp of horror, the lieutenant joined the
ensign on the deck.
"Two stretchers, please," Thrawn amended his order
calmly, "And have droids bring them."
"We’ve got to get this thing off the ship,"
said Parck, straightening the unconscious body of the lieutenant out into a more comfortable
position.
"I agree, Commander, we just need to determine a
way that will not offend our new allies," said Thrawn. "Interesting.
I never really considered esthetic shock to be a potential weapon."
"Hmph. And it doesn’t bother you, then?" asked
Niriz as he retrieved the datapad.
The Admiral shook his head. "My species do
not normally vomit unless they are dying of a ruptured stomach, Captain,
however I nearly did so when I first saw the Heart of Serenity. Even
being here in the same room with it is making me ill."
"Perhaps we should move it elsewhere?" Niriz gestured
at the statue without actually looking at it. "Or cover it up, at
least?"
"That is an excellent suggestion." Thrawn
glanced toward the wardroom door, then reached it in three long strides,
just in time to intercept a physician leading a group of repulsor-stretcher
bearing droids.
The doctor looked startled to see the Admiral bearing
down on her at such close range and hesitated in confusion. "Augh!"
she cried as Thrawn cupped his right hand neatly over her eyes and brought
her to a complete halt. "Sir, what?" Her voice was shaky, but she stood
as still as a stone.
"Lieutenant Selwa, keep your eyes closed.
There is an object in this room which is a visual, mental, and physical
health hazard. Come this way and stand here while your droids collect
the injured, then leave without opening your eyes, understand?"
"Yes, sir." She stood obediently and waited
while the droids moved into the room and lifted the downed men onto their
stretchers. One of the droids swiveled its dome about curiously and
focused its lenses on the Heart. A moment later it uttered an electronic
shriek of distress and expired in a cloud of sparks. The doctor jumped
at the noise but didn’t open her eyes. Niriz blocked the view of
the remaining droid and growled, "Get yourself and the men straight out
of here, now!"
The droid scooted off quickly and Thrawn pushed
the doctor out the door after it and closed the portal as soon as they
were through.
"We’ve GOT to get rid of this!" cried Parck.
"Yes, the sooner, the better," Thrawn agreed.
"Have them send up some protective eye shielding and we’ll put the Heart
in the strongroom in the back. No sense in exposing anyone else to
it."
"I can think of some people I’d like to expose to
it!" Niriz snorted. He still smarted at the sting of their unfair
exile to the Unknown Regions.
Thrawn gave the Captain a sudden, unexpected smile.
"Keep that thought, Captain. You’ve just given me the germ of an idea."
His red eyes glittered with humor.
"My Lord, here is the shipment from Admiral Thrawn’s
mapping expedition, delivered today by drone packet." The captain
bowed respectfully to a tall man wrapped in rich robes, his face cruelly
harsh in the artificial light. "You wanted to know the moment anything
came in, sir. This is the first shipment."
Imperial Advisor Soja glared at his aide, his close-set,
beady eyes becoming even narrower as he spoke.
"Trying to curry favor, is he? Hoping that valuable tribute will
buy his return from exile? That mongrel blue creature thinks he’s
so clever!" Soja glared at the shipping container which sat on the
storeroom floor, locked and sealed with the finest Imperial codes.
The container was clearly marked: For the Emperor’s Eyes Only.
"Well, he’s not cleverer than a real human! Thrawn would only
send the most valuable thing he could find to ease the Emperor’s wrath.
I’ll show him!" Rubbing his hands together gleefully, he tapped a
comm button. "Major, send up a slicer team, I’ve got a job for you."
The Admonitor sailed at regal sublight speed
through the sea of stars, leaving behind a system that had no sentient
residents, but plenty of raw materials which could feed the Empire’s needs
in the future. The mapping had taken three weeks. Her crew
busied themselves with the routine tasks of navigation and communication.
Her officers were gathered in the wardroom, discussing their next destination.
The tabletop comm set pinged discreetly and Commander Parck touched the
button. "Yes, Lieutenant?"
"Sir, communications has just received a HoloNet
transmission from the core. We thought you might like to hear it."
Parck glanced at Niriz and Thrawn. At the
Admiral’s nod, he answered, "Pipe it through, Lieutenant."
A moment later the holoprojector in the table hummed
to life, showing the HoloNet News logo briefly then flashed to a scene
on Coruscant, outside the Imperial Palace. Beings of all descriptions
swirled about an entrance, while a medical team bustled in laden with stretchers.
An announcer spoke. "A freak accident today claimed the life of Imperial
Advisor Soja, a man close to the ear of the Emperor. Witnesses said
that Soja was suddenly stricken with apoplexy after unpacking and viewing
an alien sculpture sent to be part of the Emperor’s private art collection.
He died in moments. There were no other deaths, although bystanders
in the same room suffered severe vertigo and nausea…" Thrawn muted
the rest of the broadcast and looked at his officers silently, his austere
face neutral.
"Soja, eh?" Niriz exhaled softly. "He
always was a greedy bastard."
"This does tend to prove my theory that Soja was
the most instrumental person behind our exile." Parck nodded as if
confirming some internal suspicion.
"Didn’t think the blessed thing would kill him, though,"
said Niriz, frowning thoughtfully. "Sure, it made us feel ill, but
no one of us was likely to die from looking at it."
"I had a feeling that perhaps it would do just this
very thing; effect different viewers in different ways," said Thrawn.
"To me, it proves the Uri gave the object the right name, The Heart of
Serenity."
"Why should Soja’s death prove the name correct?"
asked Parck. He sometimes found his alien admiral’s thought processes
too convoluted to follow.
Thrawn moved to the near bulkhead and extracted
several bottles of ale from a cabinet in a niche, passing them out to his
officers. Lifting his own in a silent toast, he drank a swallow. "Does not your heart feel much more serene, knowing
Advisor Soja is no more?" Parck and Niriz stared at their commander,
digesting his statement then they both began to chuckle.
"Well, yes, now that you put it that way, my heart
does feel serene," said Parck.
"Very serene," added Niriz.
Thrawn smiled in turn. "If we return within
range of the Uri homeworld, we shall have to be sure to tell Queen Tez’rah
how very much her great gift was appreciated by all aboard this ship."
Niriz raised his bottle with a broad grin.
"To serenity, gentlemen."
"To serenity," came the collective reply.
###
Our tale of woe and artistic angst was inspired by the
winner of the 1998
Ugly Lamp Contest. I'm warning you, however, it is really
ugly and probably shouldn't be viewed by pregnant females or those with
compromised immune systems.
This story takes place after the events depicted in Command
Decision, by Timothy Zahn, printed in the Star Wars Adventure Journal
#11.
Various Star Wars characters ©2000 Lucasfilm.
The original Adm. Thrawn was created by Timothy Zahn for his series of
Star Wars novels: Heir to the Empire, Dark Force Rising,
The
Last Command, and the Hand of Thrawn duology.
This is a work of non-profit fan fiction. This
product was not tested on animals.