LazrChet's Humor: Ways Celebrities Can Raise $33.5 Million Dollars

Ways Celebrities Can Raise $33.5 Million Dollars

As presented on the 02/12/97 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN

10. Oksana Baiul -- Return all her empties for deposits
9. Janet Reno -- Rejoin the "Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling"
8. Bill Gates -- Look under his sofa cushions
7. Boutros Boutros-Ghali -- Auction off a Boutros
6. Marcia Clark -- Screw up some more murder trials and write books about them
5. Gary Burghoff (Radar from "M*A*S*H") -- Tour the country as star of Broadway show "Radar-Mania"
4. Robert Downey Jr. -- Vacuum his apartment, then sell contents of bag on street
3. Me, Dave Letterman -- Switch networks again
2. Cast of "Bring in 'Da Noise, Bring in 'Da Funk -- Bring in less funk, causing funk shortage; when worldwide funk prices soar, bring in funk again, thereby making a killing on the open market
1. President Clinton -- Appear in "Star Wars" sequel as space creature "Bubba the Hut"

Internet access provided by One World Telecommunications of Kennewick. I got tired of the low IQ technicians, slow (or zero) response, and constant busy signals from Basin Office SystemS (BOSS).

Last Modified:  March 1st, 1997 (DDF)